I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
