I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
