I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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