I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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