she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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