Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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