my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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