I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
