the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
