Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
