i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
