Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Will you blow on my dice?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
