I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
