I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
