Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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