its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
