ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
