Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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