tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
