Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
