And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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