from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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