he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish you could order shots online.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
