you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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