Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
