Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
