Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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