I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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