I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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