Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
