420 ftw
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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