But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You know, be my cock's hype man.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
