dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
