Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
