Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
