do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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