Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
