chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
