I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
