i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
