Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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