my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
