hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
