so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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