I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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