I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
