when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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