It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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