I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
