why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
