I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
