fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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