She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
