sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
