can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
