After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
