is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
